always second place

Ever since I was little, my greatest fear was being “good at many things, but not excellent in one thing.” My dad often said this to me (actually his dad also said this to him). College admission officers would say, “don’t be a jack of all trades, a master of none.” In the least egotistical way possible, I think I was blessed to be “good” at a lot of things: figure skating, leading a group, and academics. But, I knew I was never extraordinary at one thing, and one thing only. I don’t know why but this made me feel like the biggest loser ever. I felt like a phony: almost, but never truly enough. It’s the second half of the quote “master of none” that really got to me.

Still to this day, this is one my biggest insecurities. I feel like I could finesse my way into 2nd place in a lot of things, but never really reach 1st place in anything. Has this stopped me from doing a lot of things I’m interested? No. But, I wonder if that’s because I’ve convinced myself that I’m not ever going to be truly good at one thing, so I don’t fully invest all my energy into one thing. Therefore, not becoming a master at that one thing… does that make sense? Regardless, it’s always haunted me.

Why am I talking about this? Well…A lot of blogs like to be focused — finding a niche. Fashion. Lifestyle. Travel. Medicine. They do this to 1. grow their reach and 2. engage with the niche community. But like my personal insecurity, this blog will not be focused. I have too many hobbies and things I want to share with my friends and family, that I could never box myself in like that. So just letting you know, there’s no theme. It’s just my life.

I like learning a lot: the economy, health/nutrition, food, travel, art, and stupid, useless facts from the “how it’s made” channel. I’m hungry for everything life has to offer. And, it’s all very exciting to me. How could I possibly just limit writing and posting about one thing? Although you can often find me reading through research papers or listening to high level thinking podcasts, I also spend equal amounts of time watching reality TV and reading the Daily Mail. So I think it’s safe to say that there’s a lot of knowledge and a lot of trash in my head lol.

Back to the insecurity thing.

I don’t know when it became such a bad thing to be interested and involved in different things. Shouldn’t I be versatile, adaptable, and well-versed in a lot of topics to be able to carry myself in any given situation, regardless of age and career? There was a time when we praised this: the Renaissance. Every college preaches about their “liberal arts holistic education” (very few actually deliver on this claim, in my opinion). That’s what I’m doing: learning & experiencing as much as I can. So, I’m trying to turn that insecurity into something that I celebrate. Being okay with not keeping a consistent theme or aesthetic to my blog. Feeling more renaissance young adult self. Less phony.

I know there’s going to come a time where I’ll have to narrow my focus in my professional career, but I’ll never limit my personal life, interests, hobbies, into just one #hashtag. Not on the blog, not in my life. I encourage everyone to do the same. Be complex, original, and unpredictable — in the “be a unique individual” way and not in the “be a psychopath” way. It’s a thin line.

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